10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer
10. When they ask "How are you today?"
Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days
seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is
my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ
Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to
spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company
for as long as necessary.
8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that
you? Oh my God! Judy,
how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a
few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where she
could know you from.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for
the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you
can, "I don't have any friends ... would you be
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you
just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home
incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case
of beer and some chips
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask
him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that
you could not just give your credit card number to a
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the
moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone
number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer
explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say
"I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home,
right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say,
"Now you know how I feel!" Say good by - and Hang
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy
Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out!
Seriously, Leon, how's your mom?"
And first and foremost:
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you
want to write EVERY WORD down.