About Marriage and the Opposite Sex

- You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

- At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman replied, "Why yes, I am, I married the wrong man"

- A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

- When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

- Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest cheat in Canada.

- A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

- Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"  Dad: "No son, that happens in every country."

- Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late."

- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

- Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

- You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

- Husband: "Want a quickie?"  Wife: "As opposed to what?"

- First guy: "My wife's an angel!"  Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.