About Marriage and the Opposite Sex
- You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
- At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman replied, "Why yes, I am, I married the wrong man"
- A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
- When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest cheat in Canada.
- A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
- Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "No son, that happens in every country."
- Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late."
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
- Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
- You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
- Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?"
- First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.