For Women Only
- A couple was lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman responds, "I'll miss you."
- "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
- He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly." She said, "Well, you succeeded!"
- He said, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?" She said, "That's a good idea . . . you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
- He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?" She said, "Turn sideways and take a good look in the mirror!"
- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
- A: A rumor.
- One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his own sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "what setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University
of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb . . .
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger . . . Whoosh . . . immediately he turned ninety !!! Gotta love that fairy!
- A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.