Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to
pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians-- the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Get the last word in: Apologize.
Give a person a fish, and you feed them for a day;
teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother
you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you
see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel really stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world
weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to
make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest
profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very
close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
We can't change the wind, but we can adjust our sails.
The cure for anything is saltwater: sweat, tears, or the sea.
A Great Idea . . .
You read about all these terrorists - many of them came here legally, but they hung
around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two
days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration!