True Pilot Stories
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it yourself?"
Our hero, the Cherokee pilot, who was not about to let the insult go by came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one."
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot remarked," the dreaded seven-engine approach."
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for take-off".
Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
A man telephoned the United Airline office at Denver International Airport and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Colorado Springs?"
The clerk said, "Just a minute." (my favorite)
"Thank you," the man said and hung up.
Tower: "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
Flight 2341: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
The passenger piled his cases on the scale at the United counter in New York and said to the clerk, "I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the square case to go to Denver, and the two round ones to go to Seattle."
"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that."
"Why not? You did it the last time !!!